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dieharder

by JKB3

/
1.
I'll have a happy new year next year Cause things aren't going good around here It seems to me so sad It's January 1st and I already feel bad I'll have a happy new year next year I'll have a happy new year next year I've done run out of that Christmas cheer There's a Times Square throng and a toning bell When the ball dropped down, it all went to hell I'll have a happy new year next year Oh how I wish that you were not here To witness this loathing and fear But darling, darling I feel the strain The year's just begun and it's down the drain I'll have a happy new year next year Ha ha ha
2.
I wanna hire a locksmith to break into my head I haven’t been around in a while and I’d like to check in Somebody lived up there once, I hope he’s not dead He’s probably pissed off at me for shit that I’ve said And the brain cells that I have killed off indulging in alcoholic stuff And the cancer waiting in my lungs that keeps taunting, but it never comes You can say this year’s been rough so far, I’d agree but I can’t hear you Cause I’m either in my bed or at the bar I wanna hire a carpenter to build a window for my brain Been boarded up for so long, want to see clearly again And if things go from bad to worse, I’ll Rapunzel down to my heart Use its ventricles for shelter till it’s all that remains Of this prison I once called a body, ill-kept, neglected, ever flawed She might have been a temple once, but lenders drove out all that’s holy Been waiting for a savior all these years, don’t think one’s coming And redemption is now one of my worst fears I wanna find a butcher and become his skilled apprentice To look inside the soul of everything that I ingest And apologize sincerely for subjecting them to the cruelty Of passing through a body that just shits things out relentlessly And then I’ll find a seamstress mistress who can curb this life of excess She’ll tie me taut and sew me shut so I can live in cloistered bliss You can call me crazy, I’ll have my doubts, but it’ll cease to matter Because no one gets in and nothing will get out Nobody gets in and nothing gets out
3.
They say make a wish on a haytruck And if you don’t see it again, it comes true That’s why I never hope for anything Because only when you’re dead it bears fruit But those bale-bearers pass me so often I have no choice but to lament All my ungranted aspirations And castles worn down into sand They say that all horses sleep standing up But I saw one lying down the other day I ran to the front of the farmhouse A man in dirty jeans said “You’re wrong, go away” But I snuck to the edge of that green, green field Looked out at the dying thoroughbred Sure enough she rose out of her slumber And I awoke sweating in your bed Yesterday I took a walk in the country Today I went a-roamin’ again Tomorrow I’ll probably do the same damn thing And the static will remain in my head The countryside’s always depressing Not just cause it’s where I’m scared I’ll die But no mass of green mountains or rolling hills Will convince me that beauty’s here to stay The landscape is constantly changing Suburbia is always closing in Sometimes at night you can’t see the stars We’re perpetually blocking out heaven And it gets so damn warm in the winter now I don’t need someone to hold close The only detriment’s the cowshit smell That’s started lasting all year round.
4.
Nesting Doll 04:34
When I wake up on Christmas day Who will be beside me? I’ve shared a bed with my self-doubt For so long you might not fit between us Please leave us Hear the snowfall turn to rain Cascading down your window All that’s pure gets washed away In deafening crescendos Trapped inside a childhood home Tradition gets unnerving So let’s pour another drink And keep the fires burning inside us It must be thus: Keep what we trust Right beside us I don’t know just who to be To make the right impression A hundred thousand versions of me For each trial and lesson Put a face on for my friends Another for my family A third one yet for you my love Or else you’ll see inside me I shed my skin when I’m alone And cover up my mirrors If I knew who I’d become I’d probably cut the tether Like the ribbon That I’m wrapping Up my future For you darling Will you have me Though you can’t see me? You can trust me To be what you want me to be

about

AFGR-013

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released December 26, 2016

dieharder was recorded December 2016 by James Blake. Track 1 originally written by The Violent Femmes. Special thanks to Bobby Blake, Mike Yablon, and James Dougherty. In memory of Elizabeth Holt Bancala (1922-2016)

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