by JKB3

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released December 26, 2016

dieharder was recorded December 2016 by James Blake. Track 1 originally written by The Violent Femmes. Special thanks to Bobby Blake, Mike Yablon, and James Dougherty. In memory of Elizabeth Holt Bancala (1922-2016)



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Track Name: Happy New Year Next Year (The Violent Femmes)
I'll have a happy new year next year
Cause things aren't going good around here
It seems to me so sad
It's January 1st and I already feel bad
I'll have a happy new year next year

I'll have a happy new year next year
I've done run out of that Christmas cheer
There's a Times Square throng and a toning bell
When the ball dropped down, it all went to hell
I'll have a happy new year next year

Oh how I wish that you were not here
To witness this loathing and fear
But darling, darling I feel the strain
The year's just begun and it's down the drain
I'll have a happy new year next year

Ha ha ha
Track Name: The Locksmith
I wanna hire a locksmith to break into my head
I haven’t been around in a while and I’d like to check in
Somebody lived up there once, I hope he’s not dead
He’s probably pissed off at me for shit that I’ve said

And the brain cells that I have killed off indulging in alcoholic stuff
And the cancer waiting in my lungs that keeps taunting, but it never comes
You can say this year’s been rough so far, I’d agree but I can’t hear you
Cause I’m either in my bed or at the bar

I wanna hire a carpenter to build a window for my brain
Been boarded up for so long, want to see clearly again
And if things go from bad to worse, I’ll Rapunzel down to my heart
Use its ventricles for shelter till it’s all that remains

Of this prison I once called a body, ill-kept, neglected, ever flawed
She might have been a temple once, but lenders drove out all that’s holy
Been waiting for a savior all these years, don’t think one’s coming
And redemption is now one of my worst fears

I wanna find a butcher and become his skilled apprentice
To look inside the soul of everything that I ingest
And apologize sincerely for subjecting them to the cruelty
Of passing through a body that just shits things out relentlessly

And then I’ll find a seamstress mistress who can curb this life of excess
She’ll tie me taut and sew me shut so I can live in cloistered bliss
You can call me crazy, I’ll have my doubts, but it’ll cease to matter
Because no one gets in and nothing will get out

Nobody gets in and nothing gets out
Track Name: Like the Make-A-Wish Foundation, but for Assholes
They say make a wish on a haytruck
And if you don’t see it again, it comes true
That’s why I never hope for anything
Because only when you’re dead it bears fruit
But those bale-bearers pass me so often
I have no choice but to lament
All my ungranted aspirations
And castles worn down into sand

They say that all horses sleep standing up
But I saw one lying down the other day
I ran to the front of the farmhouse
A man in dirty jeans said “You’re wrong, go away”
But I snuck to the edge of that green, green field
Looked out at the dying thoroughbred
Sure enough she rose out of her slumber
And I awoke sweating in your bed

Yesterday I took a walk in the country
Today I went a-roamin’ again
Tomorrow I’ll probably do the same damn thing
And the static will remain in my head
The countryside’s always depressing
Not just cause it’s where I’m scared I’ll die
But no mass of green mountains or rolling hills
Will convince me that beauty’s here to stay

The landscape is constantly changing
Suburbia is always closing in
Sometimes at night you can’t see the stars
We’re perpetually blocking out heaven
And it gets so damn warm in the winter now
I don’t need someone to hold close
The only detriment’s the cowshit smell
That’s started lasting all year round.
Track Name: Nesting Doll
When I wake up on Christmas day
Who will be beside me? I’ve shared a bed with my self-doubt
For so long you might not fit between us
Please leave us

Hear the snowfall turn to rain
Cascading down your window
All that’s pure gets washed away
In deafening crescendos
Trapped inside a childhood home
Tradition gets unnerving
So let’s pour another drink
And keep the fires burning inside us
It must be thus: Keep what we trust
Right beside us

I don’t know just who to be
To make the right impression
A hundred thousand versions of me
For each trial and lesson
Put a face on for my friends
Another for my family
A third one yet for you my love
Or else you’ll see inside me
I shed my skin when I’m alone
And cover up my mirrors
If I knew who I’d become
I’d probably cut the tether
Like the ribbon
That I’m wrapping
Up my future
For you darling
Will you have me
Though you can’t see me? You can trust me
To be what you want me to be